You and your two companions Endiah and Dingleberry have been called to the royal court of Burtonia to meet King Burton the Wise. The journey has been long: you have seen the terrible effects the plague has had on the people, you have heard rumours about witches and spoke to desperate villagers whose virgin daughters have been abducted by the vicious dragons that ravage the northern mountains. The royal court itself does not seem to be affected by all these disasters. The aristocrats and courtiers behave like everything is in perfect order. The three of you are escorted into the throne room by heavily armed guards.

King Burton the Wise sits on his throne, wearing his golden crown on a troubled brow. As he sees you, his expression changes and he starts to smile. "Ah, Shamalama Dingdong and his companions, the beautiful and dangerous Endiah and Dingleberry, the master of the weed. It's good to see you in such troubled times," he greets you. Dingleberry lights a huge joint and takes a deep puff while Endiah already looks bored. You bow down before King Burton the Wise and return his greetings, "It's good to see you, my liege. We came as fast as we could. What ails you, my king?" King Burton the Wise looks at you with a gloomy countenance. He takes a deep breath before he starts to speak: "The kingdom of Burtonia is in deadly peril. The plague ravages the country. Have you seen what it does to our people? The victims turn into sex-obsessed monsters driven by an insatiable lust to fornicate with everything they see. Their acidic semen is deadly for those poor souls that cannot escape their ghoulish libido. And if this wasn't already enough, the country is terrorized by foul witches and their devilish witchcraft. In the north, there are reports of dragons abducting virgins and destroying whole villages. It's terrible, Shamalama Dingdong. Help us, you're our only hope!"

These are grave news. You kneel before your king. "Whatever you demand of me and my companions, we're ready to give our lives for the realm and its people," you say. Behind you you can hear Endiah clearing her throat. "Nonsense," she says, "when the payment is good, we'll save your sorry butt, otherwise I'm out of here." Dingleberry takes another puff before he says something: "Bro, times ain't easy, weed ain't cheap, whores are dirty, caverns deep." As always, your companions are more interested in the material compensation than in the glory, but what can you expect from an arrogant elf and a stoned magician? You turn to King Burton again and ask him, "What do you want us to do, sire?" He looks at you with sad and weary eyes, "There's only one hope. You have to travel through Burtonia, Sexualia and the Dorklands to find a relic long-forgotten: the Holy Nail." Your eyes widen as you hear your king mentioning the name of the most powerful relic ever known to man. "But isn't it just a legend?" you ask him incredulously. "No," King Burton responds, "the Holy Nail exists. Legend has it that it is kept in a secluded monastery deep in the northern mountains. You have to travel there and obtain it. But beware, Queen Spermobia and Dorko the Marauder also want the Holy Nail for their evil schemes. You cannot allow the relic to fall into their greedy hands, Shamalama Dingdong. You have to save us, my friend." You nod solemnly as you stand up. "We will find the Holy Nail and save the kindgom, my liege," you swear solemnly.

You and your companions start your quest in Burton City, the capital of Burtonia. What will you do?