I am ${player}, An adventurer near the end of my quest.
I've faced many challenges, lots of dangerous encounters, fought countless monsters, and survived innumerous traps. All for this moment.
Villanous Lair, the evil den of malice stands right before me. With its imposing-looking gate wide-opened, as if taunting me. I'll make sure such an underestimating of my abilities will be one of many regrets my enemy has as he falls to his demise.
I delve into the depths of the gods-forsaken castle, overcoming all trials presented to me in its labyrinthic halls.
Soon I come face to face with HIM, my greatest and final rival, the source of woe in all the land, and self-proclaimed 'Big Bad Evil Guy:' Regnor.
A big armored brute carrying an enormous war-ax.
Regnor gets up from his sinister throne, flaps his cape in a swift motion, and begins to speak.
"You've done well to finally make it here, ${player}," Regnor says, his familiar deep, metallic voice as menacing as ever.
"Regnor, you fiend!" I say fearlessly, pointing my blade at him. "I'm here to take back the MacGuffin and restore peace to the land!"
"The MacGuffin you say?" He laughs from behind his face-concealing helmet. "You shall never have it; I have already absorbed it into my very being."
"You lie!" I exclaim.
"I am a ruthless killer and marauder, but I am not a liar. If you want the MacGuffin you'll have to take it from my dead body. Or perhaps..." He says, changing his tone. "Would you wish to join me in my reign, I'd take you as my second-in-command. You've proven yourself a worthy man, after all."
"Never!" I shout, unwavering. "I'd never ally myself with the likes of YOU!"
"A pity, then..." Regnor says in a disappointed tone. "Then your endeavors shall end here!"
Regnor takes his War-Axe in hand and jumps straight at me.
I'm ready for it.
In my previous battles with him, I figured that the key to his might is his enchanted heavy armor. With it, it's impossible for me to harm him with any means I have.
For that reason, I've searched and acquired a magic artifact: The fabled 'Hephaestus Hammer!' A pocket-sized hammer capable of dismantling even the Gods' weapons and armors.
As he leaps through the air, I dash forward myself.
Overconfident in his armor, Regnor holds his Axe high and leaves his defenses wide open. That's when I strike.
I carefully strike his abdomen with the tiny hammer, and a loud, high-pitched *PING* sound echoes through the throne room.
The small hammer immediately shatters in my hand.
Surprised by the unexpected sound, Regnor doesn't complete his overhead swing, and instead quickly kicks me to the side.
I endure the hit and roll back to my feet.
"What the- What did you just do!?" Regnor asks. And just as he does, a crack appears on his armor, right where the 'Hephaestus Hammer' struck. "N-no way!"
Before the Regnor could do anything, the crack expanded until it covered his entire heavy armor, causing it to explode shortly after, scattering smoke and metal shrapnel all around.
I stare intently at the smoke from behind my shield and soon it starts to clear up.
Where the big, brutish 'Regnor the Big Bad Evil Guy' stood, now is a meek little goblin wearing nothing but old-fashioned polka dotted bloomers.
I'm shocked.
Is this a trick? Where did Regnor go? Where did this goblin come from?
Before I have time to question the goblin, it notices me.
"What just happened!?" the goblin says, with a high-pitched, soft voice. "What happened to my precious Demon Lord armor?"
I blink twice and shake my head.
That's a girl? A goblin girl? And more importantly, 'my armor?' Could it be?
"This can't be happening..." the goblin girl says. "I was supposed to be invincible while wearing that thing..."
Could the dreaded 'Regnor the Big Bad Evil Guy' have been a scrawny goblin girl this entire time?
"Umm... Regnor...?" I call her attention.
She then turns to me with contempt.
"YOU! You fucking idiot!" She says, fuming. "How could you do this!? How DID you do this!?"
She quickly jumps back up and reaches for her War-Axe sticking out of the ground.
I go back into my fighting stance.
The bloomer-wearing goblin girl tries to lift her War-Axe, but it's too big for her, she can't even tip it over.
She looks back at me with a worried expression.
"No way..." she says on the verge of tears. "That's not how it was supposed to go..."
This pitiful, pathetic creature can't be Regnor.
"Hey... Uhh..." I begin saying. "Are you really Regnor the Big Bad Evil Guy?"
"Of course I am, you moron!" she desperately says. "And I WILL defeat you here then take over the kingdom."
This is sad. I'd feel bad for her if I didn't know she caused the suffering of billions of innocents.
"Okay, umm... Regnor," I say, sheathing my sword. "The duel is over. You can't fight anymore. Just hand over the MacGuffin."
She crosses her arms, covering her bare breasts.
"I... I can't." She says, avoiding eye contact and pouting.
"Don't be a sore loser now. You're lucky I'm sparing you after all you've done," I tell her. "Just give me the goddamn MacGuffin."
"I'm telling you I can't..." she says, placing her hands over her stomach. "I... I ate it."
I stare at her with a blank expression.
"You ate the MacGuffin?" I ask in a monotone.
The goblin girl nods. I close my eyes and place a finger and a thumb over them.
"Why did you do that?" I question after taking a deep breath.
"I didn't want anyone stealing it from me," she says, blushing. "Besides, it looked tasty... Did you know the MacGuffin was a golden egg?"
I am at a loss. I need to secure the MacGuffin in order to end the neverending war. But how will I do that?
I glance over at the girl and she looks completely harmless. Just a weak goblin girl, wearing polka dot bloomers and covering her bare chest with her arms. She looks like she's waiting for me to decide on what to do next...