“Climate change isn’t real! The government’s just using it as a back door means to bring about their socialist, communist, gay catboy agenda!”
Mick was already three beers deep, and was ranting to anyone who could hear. I rolled my eyes. He’s my friend, but he has some strange ideas about politics sometimes.
“C’mon, Mick. The ice caps are melting.” I shook my head, and took a swig of my beer. “Also, what on Earth do you mean by a socialist, communist, gay catboy agenda? What does that even mean?”
He waved his hand in front of him dismissively. “It’s all just one big conspiracy against us common folk. They want to take our guns away so they can force everyone into some kind of Utopia where everybody is equal but nobody works. And everyone is turned into twinky little gay catboys so we just end up having sex with each other all the time.”
“… and that’s a bad thing?” I asked.
Mick paused, suddenly confused. “W-well, yeah. You wanna spend your life in total bliss, sucking on cute catboy dick?” His face went a little red.
“Sounds pretty great to me.”
Mick blushed even harder. “What the fuck? W-what are you, gay?”
I shrugged. “Bi, actually. C’mon Mick, you’ve known me for a couple of years now, is that really a surprise?”
“Th-that’s not what this is about!” Mick stammered, looking away shyly. “The government want to make us all into cute, girly catboys with huge cocks and no refractory period! Just fucking and sucking off each other and having orgasm after orgasm all day long without ever getting tired or bored!” He said. I couldn’t help but notice the bulge forming in his pants.
“Oh, now that sounds like fun.” I grinned at him.
He looked down, embarrassed. “It’s just a theory.” He mumbled, covering his crotch with his hands, trying to hide that he’s turned on. I grin knowingly at him and lean over the table towards him.
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” I say softly. “Why don’t you come back to my place, and you can tell me more about the gay catboy agenda? Maybe we can have a little experiment together.”
“Wha—? No way!” Mick spluttered. “I’m not gay!”
“Sure you’re not. You’re just popping a boner the size of Jupiter right now, nothing to do with thinking about sucking gay catboy dick.”