I pound on my bro's door with all my might; he must know about what I have just found out. My mind is racing, blood pumping loudly in my ears, and my heart feels like it could burst at any moment from the adrenaline coursing through my veins.
The door opens with force, and my hand almost hits him square in his angry face. "What do you want?"
"Bro, we gotta book a trip to Switzerland RIGHT NOW," I say as quickly as possible before he can stop me. "I was born for this, and I need you to witness me."
He cocks his head to the side, clearly confused by the urgency of my request. I explain: "Did you know there is a HUGE hole beneath the France–Switzerland border?"
"What are you talking about?" He scratches his head and then looks down at my hand that is still resting on the door frame.
"Bro, trust me, you should sit down for this shit. You have no idea," I say with a wide grin as I point behind him to the couch. "Sit your ass down right now because I am about to tell you something that will blow your fucking mind!" He sits down and pours himself a glass of water as I continue, "the LHC is this huge machine deep underground, right? It's basically a massive hole. It is LITERALLY called…" I pause for dramatic effect, "the Large Hard-on Collider."
I stare into his shocked face as he tries to digest it all. Finally, he says, "Jesus Christ, why didn't you tell me about this sooner? This is incredible!"
I smile at him with pride in my voice. "This is where I plan to make my mark in history. The Large Hard-on Collider is exactly what I've been searching for! I'm going to pound its French hole, and I am going to be famous forever!"
His eyebrows raise up high as he stares at me with disbelief. "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Damn straight I am." I cross my arms over my chest and nod emphatically.
"But how the hell are we going to get in there?" he asks with a furrowed brow.
After thinking about it for a bit, I say, "We can disguise ourselves as scientists and go in undercover." We both stand up and start to run around the room like little boys. "And when they ask us why we are doing this, we tell them it's for research purposes." We shake our heads back and forth in agreement as we leap across the room together and hug each other tightly. I feel so good inside knowing that I am finally on my way to being the man I always wanted to become and make my name by fucking the biggest machine on Earth.
"This is my destiny!" I shout victoriously.
***
My bro and I stand outside the entrance of the LHC. We had done extensive research on their website and found out that the LHC is guarded by the European Organization of Nuclear Research (EONR), but luckily it turns out that anyone can apply to work there as long as you have the proper credentials, which we did not. So we went to a nearby university and got fake degrees in physics and applied for jobs at EONR. However, since neither of us had any experience in physics, we were under qualified and therefore rejected by the interviewer.
So, we shifted our mental gears and decided to give it another try—this time, we would sneak inside disguised as security personnel in order to gain access into the facility. After all, if we could infiltrate the security team, we should be able to get past the actual scientists as well, right?
So we walked into the lobby of the LHC wearing matching dark suits, sunglasses, and hats to hide our faces, and we pretended to be regular employees of the facility. When we approached the front desk, we were asked for our badges, but we presented fake ones instead. No one questioned us about it since the badges looked legit, so we were allowed to enter the facility. Once we got past the front door, our plan started to come together; we had successfully infiltrated the LHC without anyone noticing. Our minds began to race as we imagined what it would be like to fuck the largest hole on Earth.