"I'm responsible for every bad date you've ever had," Lilian told her crush. "Remember when you were fifteen and your pants fell down when you were confessing to that girl? It was me, Harry. I pulled them down. Remember when you were sneaking out the house at night to meet a girl at her place and you slipped on the wet floor and broke your leg, in spite of the fact that you knew you had cleaned the living room and left the floor sparkling clean? I ran through the house at super speed, so fast the light hadn't even left the room yet, and left a puddle there, waiting for you."

"No!"

"Yes. Remember when you were about to have sex for the first time and you came right as she touched your leg? It was me, Harry! I jerked you off at super speed so it would seem like you nutted at just a woman's touch! Remember