"And that's why as of today, you are my minion!"
Cirno was making a smug expression as she stood on top of a tree stump and proclaimed this ridiculous thing to me. I barely knew who this strange little fairy was a few minutes ago, and yet here she was forcibly recruiting me into some nonsense.
"Um, I'm not sure I understand..." I objected as I kneeled in front of her.
"Huh? Are ya stupid or something?" said Cirno. Hearing that from someone like her really hurt... "Well, it doesn't matter! You're already my servant whether you want to be or not!"
I tried to stop her by saying, "Wait a minute" but she just ignored me and kept talking.
"...It's simple enough. Just follow my orders, do what I say, don't question anything, and if you ever try any funny business, then I'll freeze your head off!"
"I-I'm just a human," I protested, "I don't even know who you are."
"I'm Cirno, the strongest fairy! I'm the one who's going to take over Gensokyo!" she proclaimed. I wasn't particularly convinced.
"Ok, Cirno. Listen to me." I said slowly. "I'm a human, and an Outsider at that. You're a fairy. You fairies fight youkai and things, right? There's no way I can beat a youkai. We don't have any magic or faith after all. How am I supposed to help you take over Gensokyo if I can't fight?"
She thought for a moment before answering.
"Hmm, is that right? Well, what are humans good at?" she finally asked.
"Um, I mean I'm a farmer in the village..." I remarked.
"Boring, what else?" she said dismissively.
"I suppose we can build things like castles? Though no human can do something like that alone..."
"Castles are cool, huh?" she mused.
"...Um, I guess we're good at reproducing and multiplying?" I muttered offhandedly.
"That's it!" she shouted, pointing at me decisively.
"That's what?" I asked.
"If one minion is good, then two minions is better! Or three, or...what comes after three...FOUR minions, or even more! So all you need to do is make more minions!" she declared.
"Cirno, I don't think you understand what you're talking about." I told her flatly.
"What are ya, stupid?! I'm not gonna be happy until you've got ten thousand minions!" she demanded. "You can at least do that much, can't you?"
"...I really think you need to consider what you're asking me to do. You at least know how human reproduction works, right?"
"Nope." said Cirno. "I'm a fairy, so I don't know any human stuff."
I was beginning to get annoyed at this brat. Maybe I could take this chance to put her in her place?
"Well, if you don't know anything then I'll just have to show you." I said.
"Finally!" Cirno exclaimed. "Hurry up already!"
I grabbed the back of Cirno's head, pulled it down, and kissed her on the lips.
"H-Hey! What are you doing?!" she shouted in surprise.
"I'm just showing you the human way to reproduce." I explained calmly as I began taking off my trousers. Her face went bright red. "You at least know that much, don't you? Even though you're a fairy you should still be able to get pregnant, right? Hurry up and take off your clothes already."