"I gave you the money, c'mon, where's the doll?" Howard said.
"Just a minute, pal," the disheveled department store Santa he had followed out of the mall and into this dismal back-alley said, thumbing through the wad of bills with his fake beard hanging halfway off his face.
"What's the holdup?"
"There's just one more thing we've gotta take care of first." Santa handed the cash off to his helper 'elf', who ground his cigarette out under his little green costume boot before making off with the money around the corner of the alley.
"What's that?" Howard said.
Santa squared up and dug his thumbs into the black belt that wrapped around his jolly jelly belly. "If you want that Turbo-Man, you've gotta give Saint Nick a few licks on his candy cane."
Howard's face drew back into a snarl. He looked the department store Santa up and down, wide-eyed with disgust, increasingly certain he could deck this guy's halls, before, suddenly, a hearty laugh escaped him. "Oh, I get it. That's a good one. You had me there for a second! I really bought it. Now, can I get that Turbo-Man?" Howard glanced at his watch, "I really have to get out of here. If I leave right now, I might be able to get through the traffic…"
Santa wasn't laughing. "You leave now and no Turbo-Man for little what's-his-name. Hate to know any kid would be left without on Christmas, but all sales are final."
"Don't bullshit me. You're serious?"
"Where is your Christmas spirit? It's the season of giving, and if you want that Turbo-Man, you've got to get on your knees and give me a holiday special to savor all New Year long."
Howard