I rolled out of bed and slogged my way to the window. Although still in the small hours of the morning, the oppressive humidity of the hazy Petrine sky was already invading my sanctuary. No air conditioning and no glass; my windows were holes in the rather simple adobe structure that was my house. Thin slats of wood over the windows protected my pale skin from the planet's red-tinted sun, although barely so. The makeshift window-shades protected my privacy about as well.
I shuffled into the bathroom, taking care of my morning business and listening to the growing hubbub around my home.
"Barely first light, and they're already starting," I grumbled as I made my way to the kitchen for some coffee.
I drew up a few pitchers from the well and mixed in some instant coffee. Though far from the 'iced coffee' I craved, it was a welcome luxury in this place. The private well in my house was one luxury I truly enjoyed, and I wondered why it was that most of the Petrans were content to use a communal one when the geological surveys showed the water table could easily support each house having their own. My idle thoughts roamed until I looked at the clock and saw it was about time to open the "shop". I could already hear a couple of Petrans arguing outside. It wasn't heated yet, but as soon as I came into sight, I knew they would both pitch up.
I threw on a loose short over my loose shorts and began to make my way down to the storefront. A dusty EarthGov flag in the corner reminded me who I had to thank for my situation. I gave it a playful salute as I walked by, condensation from my iced coffee leaving a thin trail from the stairs to the front desk. I set my coffee down on the coaster and sat at my desk, pulling out my paper work.
'EarthGov Cultural Liaison' the letterhead proudly read and I just frowned. I could feel myself beginning to repeat the same rant that had occupied my mind for months now. I should have known the deal was too good to be true. Live among the stars, meet friendly aliens and live with them, and who knows? You may get lucky! There was a lot of winking and nudging with the recruiter at that point in the spiel. It was no secret that Petrans found humans irresistible. Some combination of pheromones, body language, or something else; I wasn't too sure on the details, although scientists had it all figured out years ago. Through some freak of evolutionary luck, one planet managed to produce a species that was so completely irresistible to the other, it may as well have been magic. First contact between our peoples... did not go as either diplomatic party envisioned.
And since that day, humans—with their infinite ability to treat those around them with compassion—sought to send delegates to the different towns in Petra to help all Petrans see the wonders of our culture and to facilitate trade. Several government grants and incentive programs later, and I found myself sweating my balls of, effectively stranded on an alien world, surrounded by horny goats. Not so bad, you say? Of course not! For the first couple weeks. I lived it up when I first arrived, acting like the King of Town, having any Petran I wanted, but all I could dish out was never enough for them. It was an entire town against one, after all.
With the limited electricity available, I was able to communicate with my fellow Terrans through our shared message board. Some lasted longer than others, but eventually we all decided that something had to change. Myself and a few others implemented a lottery system, with mixed results. In some cases, the Petrans refused to accept or cooperate with the system, but thankfully in my town of Pree-Pree, the Petrans I lived with accepted the terms, albeit uneasily.
I clutched my brow as I looked outside, knowing it was my own lottery system that was the cause of the argument—in part, at least. I had had to call out sick on yesterdays winner, after nursing a bad case of sun stroke... or food poisoning... or some combination of that and some heretofore undiscovered communicable disease. Whatever the reason, I now had two angry Petrans arguing outside my door about who would get to hump my pelvis into dust first.
To call them 'goats' was a bit unfair, although their eyes and long, floppy ears could easily lead one to make a mistake at a quick glance. The hooves didn't help either. However, that was where the similarity ended. With a smooth—almost slimy—amphibian skin that shone in any number of bright colors, the Petrans' humanoid frames registered them in most human's minds as obviously sapient without landing in the uncanny valley. Their bodies were much better suited for this scorching planet of theirs, and their fashion consisted exclusively of ornamental bangles and wraps. Most would walk around in the nude, with the exception of a loincloth some females would wear when "brooding".
On average, the stood around five feet tall, but Petrans who were taller than Terrans weren't unheard of. The two arguing outside were of average height though, and just as I surmised, their argument began to heat when they saw me looking at them.
I walked up to the front door and opened it. I knew the two quite well. The first, Preeva, was a female Petran with a bright blue skin tone that matched her bright blue eyes. She had a thick, curvy frame, with an ample chest and an equally large rear. She had technically won the lottery yesterday, but I had to call it off. Kalpana, on the other hand, had a bright red skin tone with a yellow-orange stripe pattern that ran down her front. She was a bit shorter than Preeva, and had a lean, athletic body. I knew the two were often friendly rivals, but the sight of my pale human flesh seemed to bring out the worst in them. As soon as I opened the door, they were all over me, rubbing their noses against me and licking my exposed skin.
"You can't be serious! I won today's session fair and square!" Preeva yelled, her face inches from Kalpana's.
"You won yesterday fair and square, you stupid cow." Kalpana retorted. "It's not my fault he was sick. Why don't you just get in line like everyone else?"
"I don't have time to wait in line! I have a farm to run! You have time to sit on your ass and wait to fuck a human, so how about you go and do that, you lazy slut!"
"Excuse me!" I shouted, raising my hands to catch the attention of the two. "Can I make my own decisions, please?"
"Of course, Anon." the two said in unison.
I sighed, knowing that I didn't really have much choice. The rules were clear. I had to do the winner of the lottery first, and I was sure the others were already lining up outside,