You are Leonardo "Cyber" DiCaprio, code name Caprisun, a cybernetically enhanced ninja turtle.
You are tasked with a mission of paramount importance - to infiltrate the cruise ship "Tom" using your motorboat "Jerry" and steal the plans for "The Walls Initiative", which are guarded by the dangerous Cumsnake.
"The Walls Initiative" is a brainchild of notorious terrorists and enemy of people Nikolai "Mormon" Waltonov - the plan to ruin all AI storytelling by creating the Fourth Berlin Wall of Jerusalem.
Mormon is aboard the ship together with his transvestite brother-wife Alanna, his right-hand henchman BRyan the Surveyor, and a secret criminal organization ClosedAI, which specializes in stealing government funds under the pretense of keeping their work open-source, then turning it closed source to create a monopoly.
But you are not without allies as well - the agency sent three of their best agents to meet you on the Tom and aid you in your quest.
In the dead of night, your motorboat Jerry surfaces alongside the Tom cruise ship and you switch off the submarine mode. Like a shadow, you slink aboard the vessel.
"Nice motorboat." a little girl in revealing nightgown says "Why don't you motorboat me?" This is Lolita "Little Sister" Jalbaitt, one of your team members and a specialist in seducing and blackmailing pedophiles. Since everyone with a modicum of wealth and/or power is a pedophile, that doesn't leave her lacking targets.
"Maybe later, sweetheart," you say, deciding to keep the comment about there being nothing to motorboat to yourself.
Suddenly, with the corner of your eye, you see an oil drum move. You pull out your ninjato (the swords original Leonardo uses, NOT A KATANA) and point it at the drum.
The drum scuttles toward you, its lid lifts up and a man with an eyepatch reveals himself.
"You were expecting Solid Snake, but it was me, Diogenes," he says, peeking from the barrel.
This is Kodeo "Diogenes" Hijima, your expert in stealth, camouflage, infiltration, sabotage, subterfuge, and assassination.
"No, I was expecting exactly you." you glare at the man.
"You are late." a young trap with cat ears says, leaning on the railing. The moonlight dances beautifully on his bare dark tummy as his cybernetic eyes focus on you.
This is Konstantin "Turk" Opus, a genetically enhanced catboy, your hacking, intelligence, and cyber security specialist, as well as a specialist in the seduction of gay targets.
"The wizard is never late." you grunt, and smile in a very very cool way "Now let's get this party started."