"Hmph! This 'simply' will not do!" Wrinkled in a petulant pout, Corona-chan's expression was one of child-like arrogance. Though unassuming, the brat before me was the physical manifestation of the COVID-19 virus; I'd long stopped pretending that I could rationalize these things.

"I don't even know you! Y-You're some kid!" Barring my confusion, her intrusion was an annoyance more than anything, "Despite what the media says, I have natural immunity; just get the hell out of my house!" I swiveled away, returning my attention to a particularly slow thread on /aidg/.

Unwilling to take the hint, Corona-chan tapped a stiletto'd heel against the hardwood, clasping her manicured hands at a set of tiny hips, "Nuh uh! Natural immunity doesn't exist! Haven't you been listening to CNN and MSNBC?" Her pitch flared, "You aren't even vaccinated!" The virus shot me a puffy-cheeked scowl; how endearing.

Funnily enough, I wasn't vaccinated, and the smugness of my inadvertent defiance almost made me giggle. I'd paid the hysteria no mind and it was driving her mad.

Plopping onto my bed, Corona-chan crossed her legs, "I'm not going anywhere. Get used to your 'new normal'."

There was something about her juvenile demeanor that lowered my guard, adding to the absurd nature of it all. Corona-chan was cute for a virus. She wore a tight, form-fitting red qipao; a heart-shaped cutout teasing her non-existent bosom. Comically small bat wings flittered from her back; emerald orbs glimmering with a lust for chaos and tainted by a sickly amber, ebony hair was bound in two tight buns.

Some time passed, and occasionally I would catch peeks of my unwanted visitor splayed about my bed. "You're still here?" I asked incredulously, feigning disinterest in her nubile form.

"I wasn't kidding, mister. I'm not going anywhere! Before you know it, there will be new variants of me all over the place!" Corona-chan's playful smirk was infectious in and of itself, "I bet you're a 'germaphobe'! You just haven't 'tried' to get sick." She could sense my lingering gaze and softened her voice, "A big boy like you must have an amazing immune system. Why don't you let me take it for a whirl?" Corona-chan kicked her dark heel across the bedroom floor with a deft kick, curling her ruby, pedicured toenails in a cathartic arch. "Get down and lick."

"Excuse me?" I turned to face her fully.

"Come on. Think of it like a test! If you're really immune , maybe I'll go away," Corona-chan softly chewed at her lower lip, "or maybe we can try some other ways to infect you with my love?"

The entire situation bordered on nonsensical. This child was asking me to clean her delicate, contagion laced soles. Common sense demanded that I deny her, that I go see a psychiatrist ASAP; what was I thinking? Then again, watching Corona-chan's dainty toes curl in slow, pleading motions was too damn tantalizing to turn down.

"So I do this and you leave?"

"Maybe," she added smugly, "first things first." A shake of the foot invited me closer.