Of course it didn't work out. Why did I even think it would? Weren't the first three times bad enough? No, I just had to try again. I thought it'd work out this time, this time I'd be able to keep a relationship going. And where did that get me? Back in my messy dorm room, alone and crying. Again. This time, it was even worse than the times before, probably just because I deluded myself even more into thinking she was the one this time, so when it inevitably fell apart, it hurt even worse. And the hell of it is that I don't even know why she broke up with me! Am I just a repulsive person, is that it? Will I just be doomed to die alone and forgotten?
These negative thoughts have gotten more and more frequent these days, and I hate every last bit of it. I don't want to have these thoughts, I don't want to think of myself as a doomed loner. But before I can get further in that line of thinking, the door of the dorm room opening shakes me out of it. Shit, that must be Jake. I can't let him see me like this, I don't want to worry him... and yet, I'm just too mixed up right now to think straight in any way, so instead of doing anything, I just sit on my bed. And so Jake walks in, with the first thing he sees being me, sitting there, tears still running down my red face as I breathe heavily.
Immediately, a look of worry comes over him, and he kneels down in front of me—which, given his size compared to mine, means our faces are now about level—taking my hand in his. "Hey, Sean, what's wrong? Did somethin' happen? C'mon, bro, ya can tell me!" he asks, urgency evident in his usually so calm country tone. I try to respond, but all that comes out are awkward-sounding heaves and breaths as I struggle to form a coherent thought. This is all just too much for me, but Jake seems to notice that, as the urgency in his tone quickly vanishes, replaced by a soft, warm one. He's saying things that he thinks could maybe calm me down, and while the words could use some work, just the fact he's trying is enough for me to slowly get my muddled mind under control again.
After a few moments, I manage to explain, and so I pour my heart out to him. And honestly, Jake is pretty much the only one I'd pour my heart out to like this. He's kinda stupid, and kinda doesn't get things sometimes, but he's such a sweet guy that doesn't have a bad bone in his entire body. And it's quite a big body, too, since he's a lineman for the college football team and all. But nothing could have prepared me for what he says after I finish explaining my situation to him. He thinks for a moment, and I can practically hear the gears creaking in his head. And then, like it's the most natural thing in the world, he just blurts out "Alright, then I'll be yer girlfriend, man!"
Now I'm just completely dumbstruck. I can't even manage to stifle a laugh. "You... you can't be my girlfriend!" I reply, confused that I even have to say it.
But he just looks at me like what I'm saying is incomprehensible. "Why not?" is all he asks in return.
I can't believe this guy! He either just doesn't know how these things are supposed to work, or doesn't care. "Y-You're... a guy!" I say, still in awe in a weird way.
"Yeah, and? Momma always said it's what's on the inside that counts, bro! So I'll be the best girlfriend on the inside I can be, and then ya won't have to cry anymore!" he explains, like it's the simplest thing in the world. "We'll do girlfriend things, like, uh, holdin' hands, sharin' chocolate on Valentine's Day, or gettin' under the covers together!"
I want to laugh, I want to dismiss this. It's just absurd. But I just can't do it. Just looking at him, this big, burly, corn-fed country guy with the goofiest fucking self-satisfied grin on his face... I can't shake the feeling that this is right. If I'm going to strike out with every girl I try to date, why the hell not give him a shot? And so, when I give him a tentative nod, he heads over to his bed, throws back the covers and gets in, patting the spot next to him with that grin still on his face. And I follow him.
Laying there, with the blanket now covering us... it feels warm. And that's before I suddenly feel his arms wrapping around me, practically burying me inside his broad chest. For a moment, I just want to fall asleep in his embrace, but then he suddenly gets that ponderous look on his face again. "Hm... there was somethin' else Momma always said was real important here. Somethin' ya just gotta do 'fore ya got a proper girlfriend. ...ah, I got it! Ya gotta have a real nice smooch first!" Jake says.
Oh jeez, is this really happening? He looks so certain that this is the right thing to do, and before I can even get out a response, our lips are getting closer. At this point, I figure I'll just close my eyes, and let what happens happen.