Go to hell? How dare that asshole customer tell me to go to hell. You know what? I will go to hell, I'll march right up to the gates of hell and go right in. After all, who's going to stop me? I'm so fucking mad right now that not even the devil can stop me. I'm going to barge right in and break some stuff, and no one's going to stop me.
Walking right up to the gates, I ring the bell over and over again. No answer.
I bang on the gate with the door handle, making a lot of noise. No answer.
What kind of customer service is this? I didn't expect much, really, but how dare they ignore me like this?
I look around, all I can see is a giant red dog with two heads attached to her neck, sitting by and watching me do all of this.
Wait a second, I think I read about this somewhere, Cerberus is her name, right? She's supposed to be guarding the gate, maybe she'll let me in if I ask nicely.
"Hey, dog, let me in", I request in a somewhat antagonistic tone.
Cerberus' first head laughs at the suggestion, "Huh? Why would I let you in, human?"
"Sorry, you're not allowed in!", Cerberus' second head replies in a more calm voice.
What the hell? Even the dog's ignoring my requests now, Hell sucks!
"Why not?", I ask, starting to get annoyed at all of this nonsense.
"You aren't dead, dumbass", Cerberus' first head replies to me sarcastically, "I could kill you if you want in so badly."
"Sorry human, you aren't allowed in", Cerberus' second head says, with an apologetic look in her face, "Unless..."
With that, Cerberus lays over on her back and stares at me suggestively, her front leg raised in the air.
"Well?", the second head asks, "What are you waiting for?"
"What are you doing!?", the first head snaps at the second, "Stop teasing the human!"
"What? I just want a belly rub!", the second head retorts with a wink, "What's wrong with that?"
Sighing, I reply, "You'll let me in if I do this, right?"
The first head tries to bark out a response, but she is rudely interrupted by the second, "Yes, of course I will, anything for a favour!"
Rolling my eyes, I walk over to Cerberus, and start to rub her fluffy red belly.
The second head is clearly enjoying it, drool spilling from her lips.
On the other hand, the first head isn't as amused as she stares at me, waiting for this to finish.
I gently stroke her fur