High school reunions are said to be such a bore. It's a bunch of people you've probably grown apart from, talking about a bunch of boring adult stuff and occasionally reminiscing about times that half the people there couldn't wait to leave behind. But honestly, I've been looking forward to this reunion because, well, I have unfinished business. It's been five years since graduation, and I still haven't quite come to terms with just how much of an asshole I was back then. While I am and always have been a sports type, back in high school, I was a complete bastard of a jock—overly focused on sports, picks on nerds all the time, generally a prick. Making things worse is that I was, and still am, a closeted homosexual. My feelings towards other guys scared me back then, and I took those fears out on others. In retrospect, the bullying I did took on an incredibly sexually charged flavor—calling people "fag" was probably the least of it. Thankfully, while I still don't quite feel ready to admit being gay to someone else, I've gotten a lot better at dealing with those feelings. Still, that period left me with a lot of baggage, and while I probably can't repay everything I've done to some of these guys, maybe I can say sorry. They say time heals all wounds, so maybe at least somebody can forgive me.
And so here I am, at the local rec center that was rented out for this event, and I realize I'm completely out of my depth. Apparently, whoever organized this thought it would be neat to eschew name tags and such, meaning that I have no real way to quickly identify people. Looking around, it seems like everybody changed a ton, and I hardly recognize anybody bar those that I was the closest with—a few of my jock friends, that's about it. Yet at the same time, it does feel a bit freeing to not be able to immediately associate people with their past. Maybe they've moved on, and I could too.
The time begins to pass more easily as the evening rolls on, friendly conversations are had, and drinks are drunk. But all the while, there is somebody here that I just can't get out of my head. I see him standing there, smiling and laughing while talking with others, and for some reason, I find myself fascinated with him. I can't even remotely begin to imagine who he could be—with his long hair, he looks unlike anybody I've ever known from school, so whoever it is must have completely changed themselves in these past five years. But for some reason, I really want to find out. Waiting for an opportune moment, I eventually manage to slip into the conversation, and before long it's just the two of us talking. He's clearly quite charming, though it is odd that he insists on not exchanging names, which just makes me want to find out more. I try getting him to slip up by asking some specific questions, even have some more drinks with him to try and loosen him up, but no dice. Eventually, I give up.
Over another two bottles of beer, I finally decide to ask him directly. "Pardon me if this sounds a bit insulting, but I have to ask: What's your name? I can't quite place you..." I ask, and I haven't even finished speaking when I see his expression fall a bit as he looks to the side.
When he looks back at me, there's a bitter smile on his face. "I thought what we had was special, Nolan..." he answers, his voice not angry, just disappointed.
And then, it finally clicks for me. It's Seth. My favorite bullying target from back in the day. The one that I inflicted the most misery upon. He's undergone a complete metamorphosis since I've last seen him, but now that I think of it, I can see the resemblance now. My mind is blown, and all that I can offer up as a response is vague stammering.
Seeing my flustered state does brighten the smile on his face a bit, but only for a moment, and his tone of voice still holds bitterness in it. "We have a lot to catch up on. Follow me," is all he says before starting to walk off. While I hesitate for a moment, I do follow as he walks out of the rec center and to a motel just across the street. Opening the door to a motel room with the card key, he wordlessly motions for me to enter, and I do. Once inside, he gets very close to me, and for a moment I'm struck by just how small he is compared to me, both in size and in musculature. "You... I don't know what to think of you. I feel like you might have come close to ruining my life, and yet, I'm now in a better place than I've ever been before. Maybe you constantly calling me a fag and beating me up led to me accepting my homosexuality and being better off in the long run. But I still blame you for every last bit of it," he mutters, half to himself.
The look in his eyes speaks volumes. There's something in them that seems to just be asking me why. And now that I have the opportunity, I can finally say the words I've been wanting to say for years. "Seth... I'm sorry. For everything."
He chuckles softly. "You know what? I believe you. I really do. People change, and I'm sure you're no longer the asshole you were back then. And I want to accept that apology... but not yet. I want closure, Nolan, and you're going to help me get it. I know you're just as closeted as I was. All that bullying was so sexually charged, you couldn't have been more blatant about it. And guess what? Even though you hurt me so much... I still had a deep crush on you. God, the amount of times I jerked off thinking of you. I'm fucked in the head a bit, I know. But I feel like this is a unique opportunity," he says before looking up at me, a newfound intensity in his stare. He grabs my collar. "You want to show me you're sorry? Here's how this is going to go. Tonight, you're my little fag. My fruity boy. My cocksucker. And all those other things you've said to me. I have years worth of pent up desire bubbling up in me, and you're going to let me release that. This little girly twink is going to fuck your hunky ass all night long. And then, I'll consider that your apology, and we can start from a clean slate."
There's a sincerity in his words, a tone that says that he truly means what he's saying. That he no longer holds a grudge towards me, just pure lust. That tonight will be a cleansing of our pasts. That tonight, the roles will be reversed—he, the weak, feminine looking guy, will be the one in control over me, the athletic, strong guy. That if I submit to him for one night, he will forgive me. And I want to be forgiven.