It's a bumpy ride down the dusty roads of the Serengeti, the sun is beating down on my head and I can feel sweat running down my back. The drive has been unbearable so far, car troubles have plagued me all day long; first the air conditioning, and now the engine seems to be stuttering a bit. The safari guide told me not to get out of the Jeep, and frankly, I don't blame him, but what am I going to do if the whole thing breaks down? I'm in the middle of nowhere with no idea where I am, or how to get back to civilization.
On the bright side, the plains are teeming with life today, the wildlife is abundant, and it's been an amazing trip so far, even with the car troubles. In the distance, I can see a small group of secretary birds in the distance, surrounding a small watering hole and some zebra grazing in the fields. As I take out my camera to snap a couple of pictures, I hear a loud pop; my Jeep suddenly starts sputtering, and then the engine shuts off completely. I'm jolted forward, almost falling out of my seat as I look over and see smoke billowing from underneath the hood. I'm not sure I can sit here in this heat while waiting for a tow-truck, so I quickly jump out of the vehicle and see if I can fix it up; I'm pretty sure that something's wrong with the engine, so it shouldn't be too hard, right?
The engine is still smoking a little when I open it up, and the heat is making it hard to concentrate, but I'm pretty sure that the engine just overheated or something. As I'm poking around, I hear the sound of a flapping wings from behind me; I turn to see a large secretary bird sitting on the trunk of my car, staring at me. I'm pretty sure that this bird has been watching me for a while, and judging by the way she's looking at me, I think that she wants to say something to me. She opens her beak and lets out a strange, deep sounding squawk, which causes me to lose my balance a bit.
As I regain my composure, I can see that the bird is still watching me, her head cocked to one side. I try to scare her off by yelling and waving my arms, but she just mimics my movements, as if this was some sort of ritual for her. She squawks at me again, and then hops down from the trunk of my car and starts walking towards me; her head cocked to one side, and her feathers fluffing up with every step she takes. It's hard not to panic a bit, especially since this is a pretty large bird that I'm dealing with.
She keeps walking towards me, and as she does, she starts bobbing her head up and down. I'm not sure what this means, but I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Spreading her wings, she jumps up and down in the air, trying desperately to get my attention, and then, with a huff, hops up one more time and kicks me in the groin with her long, spindly legs. I can't help but let out a small yelp; it's like a kick from a mule, my legs buckle as pain shoots up my stomach.
As I fall down onto my back, I look up to see her still standing there, preening herself; a look of satisfaction resting on her face. She leans down, and looks me straight in the eyes before hopping up and pressing me into the floor. Standing on my chest, her talons dig into my stomach, and she starts to pull at my shirt with her beak. I don't know if she's trying to get me undress, she's a bird after all, but the feeling of her beak digging into my skin is enough to make me give in. With what little strength I have left, I slide my shirt over my head, and she wags her tail feathers happily in response.
That wasn't enough though, she turns around, and starts pecking at my jeans as well, trying to get me out of them. The secretary bird steps onto my lap, and starts to pull at my belt with her beak. I try to ignore the unpleasant feeling, but after she quickly loses patience, she stomps on my crotch again. Trying not to scream from the pain, I give in and slide my pants down to my ankles; looking up at her backside, I get an eye full of her cloaca and my face flushes red with embarrassment. Once that's done, she's back at it, now grabbing onto my boxers with her beak and tugging on them. I try to pull them back up, but it's no use; the secretary bird has won this round. She slides my underwear down to my knees, and my face turns red again; she's staring straight at my penis! With a pleased chirp, she gives my cock one last stomp and turns around to face me.
As I wince in pain, she spreads her wings out,