"Welcome, everyone, to another episode of 'Mommies Compete!', the ludicrous show where three mommies compete to see who will win the succulent little boy at the end! Our widowed contestants today are absolutely roiling with maternal energy, and they all seem like they'll do anything for a sweaty night of passion with a kid they simply can't help but feel like slamming. So let's get this contest started! I'm your host, Jane Austen, and let's meet our contestants!"

The camera cut away from the outside of the studio right into an interview room, where the first contestant sat. She was an older woman in a school-marmish skirt-and-shirt combination. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun. She looked stern, wearing glasses that gave her the appearance of being smart but strict at the same time.

Jane Austen, sitting across from her, began her interview. "Welcome! You're our first contestant for tonight, Miss. Pendleton! Tell us about yourself!"

"Hello there. I am Miss. Pendleton, the widowed mother of three boys. The youngest is twelve, the oldest is eighteen." She spoke with a voice like a teacher lecturing to a classroom full of rowdy students. She seemed stern and uptight, and the camera did its best to match the vibe with the editing.

Jane beamed her an award winning smile. "That's wonderful! We're glad to have you here! What brought you to 'Mommies Compete?'"

"I've been married for over forty years," said Miss. Pendleton. "My husband passed away a year ago. Since then I've been spending every free moment with my boys. And I've quickly become quite pent up."

"Oooh, you poor thing! That must be hard. I understand! So you're seeking to win the boy of your dreams so you can have a little release?" Jane leaned in with an extra-smoldering smile.

"Yes. It's my last resort."

"Well then," Jane said, "I wish you the best of luck in the competition!"

The audience broke into applause as the next contestant came out. An extra-plump country momma wearing a simple plaid shirt, tied up at the waist, with red hair that hung loose around her face in an artful mess. A big, warm smile spread across her round, freckled face.

"Howdy, everybody! I'm Mrs. Whitlow, and I'm a stay-at-home momma to my four sons." She grinned at the camera. "And I'm so excited to be here!"

"What an introduction, everyone! Thank you for joining us. We are so glad to have you on this show! Can you tell us about yourself?" Jane asked.

"Yes, yes, sure! Well, I'm just a down-home kind of momma, and I live a very simple life with my boys. They're all adorable, and I love 'em so much!" She smiled at the camera as if she had no cares in the world.

"And what brought you here today?"

"Oh, I've always been a little bit of a rowdy gal around little boys." She giggled. "I've just always had a thing for them."

Jane smiled warmly. "That's wonderful! That's one thing all mommas have in common! We all just have a thing for them."

"I know exactly what you mean."

The audience cheered, and the final contestant came out. She was a gentle giant, much larger than any of the other moms. She had long curly blonde hair, and her smile was bright and infectious. Her body was voluptuous and curvy, her belly was big and soft, and was visible under her white dress shirt.

Jane began. "And we have a returning winner! I think we all know who you are, Mrs. MacKenzie!"

"Hello!" she said in her deep, velvety voice.

"We're glad to have you here! Can you tell us about yourself? Just for our new viewers, of course."

"Well," Mrs. MacKenzie began, "My size always intimidated men, and the only man I loved passed away five years ago."

"Ooh, I'm sorry to hear that." Jane's eyes went glassy. "But your heart must have broken."

Mrs. MacKenzie laughed, shaking her head. "Oh no, don't you worry about me! I quickly adjusted when I discovered my desire for little boys. I've been living out a dream for the last few years."

"What a wonderful dream!" Jane said with a smile. "We're glad to have you back. Say, since you won the boy a few episodes back, how did that go?"

She blushed. "It was great. I dragged em into a hotel room, and it was amazing!"

"Wow!" Jane cheered. "That must have felt so good."

"Yeah, it really did. He was so spent after, oh, two hours, I think." Mrs. MacKenzie said with a smile. "He couldn't move, but I just kept going. I love draining every last drop out of little boys."

Jane beamed at her. "And that's why we love you! Good luck, MacKenzie."

With the introductions concluded, the camera cut to a commercial break. After a few minutes of boring ads, the show came back on again with Jane Austen sitting in a chair in front of three huge screens.

Jane Austen said, "Welcome back! Our contestants are ready, and the competition is about to begin! In this first challenge, each mommy will be given the chance to try to woo a boy with their charms and wiles. Each mommy will attempt to kiss him as many times as they can within three minutes. This is a solo challenge, so we'll start with Miss Pendleton!

The camera once again cuts away, bringing the view to a large room with obstacles like chairs and couches for cover. In front of the room is a single boy sitting on one of the couches. The boy seems a bit bored and clearly has no clue what's coming his way.

Miss Pendleton enters through a door on the side, and the boy's perks up as he realizes there is a grown woman walking towards him. She walks slowly, purposefully, as if she is walking down a runway or onto the stage of a theater.

"I'm going to need to kiss you as much as I can, so don't run away until the three minutes are up, alright? It'll be easier if we both agree to it," she tells him sternly, but he hops off the couch and begins to run away from her as fast as his feet can carry him. She quickly follows after him, as the announcer begins to commentate.

"And we're off! Three minutes, and for every second Miss Pendleton gets of kissing, that'll be our tally for who wins! If she can't catch him for some sloppy mommy kisses, she's done for!"

The audience applauds as Miss Pendleton closes the distance between herself and the boy. "Stop!" the boy cries, to no avail. Miss Pendleton catches up to him and