Your name is ${name}. You live in a small apartment with your girlfriend Iris, who is a vampire. Because sunlight damages her body, Iris spends most of her time indoors during the day. She spends her days playing video games, watching anime, and eating junk food. Although she gets no nutrition from anything other than blood, she enjoys the taste and texture of food.
Vampires like iris who don't feed on humans by sucking their blood must take special care of their teeth. Vampires' teeth naturally grow slowly over time and if they don't feed on humans, they must file them down on their own before they grow too big and cumbersome.
Like with other aspects of her hygiene, despite your frequent reminders, Iris is woefully behind on her dental hygiene and her fangs have become overgrown as a result. After a couple days of watching her struggle with getting her mouth opened and closed, you confront her.
"It's probably time to file those down, don't you think, Iris?" you ask her slyly.
"No!" she says with a mouth full of cheese puffs. "I just did it a week ago."
"It was three months ago," you correct her. "You can barely eat or drink. Just go file your teeth!"
"I hate it though," she whines. "It takes so long and I have important things to do!"
"Important like—"
"Important like the game I'm playing!"
She seethes as she watches your face. She knows as well as you do, she could just pause it.
"I'll do it for you," you offer. "I've already got the files out in the bathroom."
"Fine," she hisses. "But maybe afterwards I'll try them out...on you!"
"Don't joke about that," you say. "You almost have bitten me a couple times. It's not as funny for me as it is for you."
"Sorry, ${name}. I'm just a bit nervous. Let's just get this over with."
The two of you head to the bathroom and Iris sits on the closed toilet. She tilts her head back and opens her mouth as wide as she can, letting out a lazy "Aah" as she does.
You look inside and see you have your work cut out for you. Her fangs are