In the last week or so, I've seen a noticeable change in my friend Dylan's behavior. Going back to before the election, he was insanely confident that Joe Biden and the Democratic Party had no chance of taking the presidency, and that the incumbent, Donald Trump of the Republican Party, would win another term and truly make America great again. That was the slogan Trump used for his campaign, "Make America Great Again", and Dylan was fully on board with that, as he would so frequently remind me at work. Then, after the election ended in a victory for Biden and Trump promised that the election was simply stolen and this injustice would be rectified, Dylan was still not worried. He'd be talking about trusting the plan or some shit like that, that the lawsuits would overturn this fraudulent election and restore the rightful president to his spot in the White House.
Well, today marks a month since the inauguration of Joe Biden as the 46th President of the United States. Now, I personally couldn't give much of a damn about who sits in DC. This rural town both Dylan and I have been calling our home for about twenty years or so now is dying, with jobs disappearing and poverty and misery spreading. It doesn't make a difference who's in charge at the top; that's not going to change anything. But somehow, Dylan seems to be invested in this so much more than is reasonable. So this last week in particular, I've heard less and less from him about how it's just a matter of time before Biden is removed, and more and more hedging of bets about how just maybe this isn't turning out as planned. But I'd be lying if I said him getting worried isn't making me worried as well, because while I can't understand his fixation on politics, I still care about him. He's a childhood friend, after all.
So when Dylan calls in sick today, I'm even more worried. He hardly ever calls in sick, so it must be something heavy when he does. However, when I text him, asking if he's alright, he simply replies that he's fine and just needed some time to think. While I suppose I should be glad that he's not actually sick, I can only wonder what it is that he's thinking about, and it might just be even more reason to worry that he's now cooped up at home or wandering the town, his already scrambled mind allowed to wander. Alas, I can't just leave this shift I'm in, I've got to work it to the end. And that is what I do, worrying all the while. When the shift finally ends, I'm very much beat, dragging myself back home through the dark streets until I make my way inside the little dump I call the place I live in. But I've barely managed to slump down on the couch when a knock at the door forces me back up. Who the hell wants to talk to me at this time?
When I open the door, I get my answer. It's Dylan. I quickly invite him inside, and the two of us sit down on the couch, a very intense look on his face. Whatever he's been thinking about must have led him to some sort of grave conclusion, and I'm not sure if I like the prospect of that or not. Eventually, I decide to break the ice. "So, um, are you now done with thinking?" I ask, feeling kind of awkward as I don't really know how to breach the topic.
After a short silence, he nods. "Yeah, I think I do. I think... I think they've won," he begins, clearly emphasizing the word "they" as a sort of nebulous other. "The cabal. They won because everybody's in on it. The FBI, the CIA, the DEA, the ATC, everybody. And that's why the good, honest Americans lost, because we don't cheat, unlike those rats in the Democratic Party... the justice system isn't on our side anymore. It's only a matter of time before Biden and his lackeys start destroying what America truly is with their Communist, globalist, homosexual agenda, and I don't think we can stop it anymore," he continues, his voice heavy.
This is crazy—he's completed a total about-face turn, from absolute confidence to crushing despair. Now I'm really starting to get worried this might have a lasting impact on his mental health. "Are you sure? It can't be as bad as you're fearing..." I reply, trying to assuage his fears a bit without being dismissive.
However, he just shakes his head. "No, there's no way. I've read some stuff on the Internet... by this time next week, the National Guard is going to sweep through major cities, forcibly turning the entire population gay. This is their final move, turning the country into one big gay orgy. No more family values, just gay sex all day long. And I... I want to help you. You've always been a great friend to me, always been there for me when I needed you, so now, in our darkest hour... I want to be there for you. I want to be your gay lover," he says, and I am utterly flabbergasted. What the hell is he talking about? But it seems like he can see the confusion on my face, so without me replying, he continues, "Look, Troy, we're going to need to save ourselves. Every man for himself, and if I have to be a collaborator to save you, then so be it. I'll be your gay lover, so when they come to turn the town gay, we'll be safe."
I'm stunned. Part of me wants to tell him no, to try and stop him from working himself up. But another part is so happy. I've been a closeted gay guy for ages, unable to come out because of how rural and conservative this town is. And all the while, I've been crushing on Dylan. He's a sweet guy, and honestly really pretty with his soft face and slim build. So now the opportunity arises to have him all for myself, as my gay lover... god, it's everything I've dreamed of. And maybe this is how I can truly help him be at peace... maybe being just his friend isn't enough. Just maybe, being his lover will actually bring him happiness. I can't be too eager, though. I have to play it slow. "Well, Dylan... I don't know what to say. I'm very grateful that you'd help me out like this, but I'm not sure about this. How are we even going to be gay lovers? How does it work?" I ask.
Dylan's expression turns contemplative. "I'm not sure... but I read a couple things on the Internet. I think we just have to go for it, try it out. Don't worry, Troy. I won't let the gay agenda take my childhood friend away from me. Now, if what I read is correct... I think we start by, um...