Shinji looked at Asuka, as she lay catatonic in the hospital bed. The last battle with the Angel had done something to her, she was utterly unlike herself, staring listlessly into the ceiling. Shinji wished she would snap out of it, call him an idiot like she always did, do anything to make him feel normal again. Instead, there was only the dull hum of the climate control and the persistent chirping of the cicadas rising above even the noise of the city outside. He hung his head by her bedside, more alone than ever before.
It was shocking to see Asuka of all people like this, so dissonant that it made Shinji broil with an unreasonable anger, at once reproaching himself with guilt. He was the only Eva pilot left, he would have to battle the Angels all alone, a tremendous responsibility— too much. Asuka was laid up here, after it had seemed the only thing she had wanted to do with her life was pilot the Eva. He supposed somewhere in the bundle of emotion knotting in the pit of his stomach was a kind of jealousy. Shinji wished he too could retreat into his shell, but there was no way for him to leave without causing trouble for everyone else. He had tried, and borne the consequences.
"Please, Asuka, wake up," he pleaded, "I can't do it all by myself." But the girl who had once called him names wasn't listening anymore. She just stared off into space, blankly, unresponsive. Her eyes were vacant, devoid of any emotion. Even when he spoke, they didn't blink or react. Shinji couldn't bear it. He balled his fists, his knuckles white, unsure of what he was going to do, hints of tears welling in the corners of his eyes. Following the tide of emotion, he clutched her shoulders, and shook her hard. She rattled violently against the bed, her head limp, her gaze still as impassive and glassy as before. She was like a doll.
Shinji let go of her, stepped away, feeling like a bastard looking at the red imprints left by his hands on her pale skin. He started to meekly move back towards her, thinking he could pitifully try to make amends somehow, at least fix her posture in the bed.
He had shaken her hard enough to loosen her bandages, and was stunned as he noticed the exposed curve of her budding breast, unable to stop himself following the shape to the soft pink of her naked nipple.
She didn't scramble to cover herself, or kick him and call him an idiot. She just laid there, bare and vulnerable. Shinji shamefully felt his body reacting to the sight, an erection tightening inside his pants. His heart raced, his face flushed. He glanced down momentarily before turning back to her, his cheeks flushed, knowing full well he should look away, but not wanting to.
He felt weak, unable to do the right thing and turn his back. In spite of all he had been through, he was still a teenage boy, and he had gone too far. Shinji locked the door before he hesitantly reached into his pants, maintaining eye contact with Asuka the whole time. He wasn't sure what he was searching for in those deep blue, glazed eyes. Whether it was rejection, fury, or even permission or forgiveness, any reaction from her at all would have been enough.
He kept going, caught in the momentum of the act. He undid his fly, stroking himself almost shyly at first, then more urgently, furtively jerking off in front of her. The sound of Shinji's breathing filled the room. "Please, Asuka," he said in between involuntary groans. His hand was slick with his own fluids, already leaking from the tip. More than anything he wanted her to stop him, for her to