Ding-dong.

The unusual noise reverberated throughout my heavenly abode, distracting me from my Sunday ritual of 'stuffing my face with ambrosia and wine'. An unannounced visitor? I groan and slump myself off the couch, making my way to the front door.

Ding-dong ding-dong ding-dong ding-dong.

Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! How rude! No one who lived up here would do such a coarse thing! Why, it could only be…

I opened the door, and sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed. Slouching at the entrance was none other than Miselle—that cunning conniver, that slithering succubus, wearing her oh-so-gaudy tight black leotard and boots that go far too higher than any boot should, stretching out her leathery red wings like she owns the place, picking at one of her horns like she had no manners… Truly a fiendish sight to behold! But, I only speak so ill of her because she's my best friend.

"I thought I'd find you here, Mariel," Miselle smirked while still ringing the doorbell.

"Miselle, cut that out, you're driving me positively crazy," I groaned. "What do you want?"

Pouting, the succubus stopped. "Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the cloud today. What's with the attitude?"

Sighing, I said "Oh, it's just… work's got me down. It's just so stressful. They sure don't mention all the paperwork us angels have to do in the Bible. Do you get it too?"

"What, paperwork?" Miselle asked, slinking past me and inviting herself in. "No, we just get the damned to do all that."

"Lovely…"

Noticing my half-eaten lunch, Miselle remarks "Pigging out again, Mariel? Keep eating like this and you'll turn into one of those gluttony demons. They've got an awful smell…"

"Miselle, are you here for any particular reason or are you just here to excoriate me?"

Putting a hand on her chest, Miselle replied "Well, I was just in the area and thought I'd stop by, you know? And hey now, it was only a joke."

I crossed my arms and turned away, not wanting to encourage any more of her remarks.

"Oh, come now, Mariel. We need to fix this."

Turning my head, I asked "Fix what?"

Making some abstract gesture towards me with her hands, Miselle said "We need to fix THIS! You're not just stressed out… you're pent-up!"

"What does that mean?" I asked, cocking my head.

Emphasizing every word, Miselle announced "You. Need. To. Have… Sex!"

Covering my now beet-red face with my hands, I shouted "What?! You're crazy!"

"When you don't get any release, you get pent-up," she explained. "You're like a… how do they call them… soda bottle that got all shook up. You've gotta let it all out, darling!"

"I am not going to… fornicate," I imparted. "It is unbecoming of an angel."

"How so? It happened all the time. Don't you remember Genesis 6:2?" She began to recite: "That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose."

Shaking my head, I answered "You can't do that!"

"Even I can cite scripture for my purpose, darling," replied the succubus. "But it's true—the Big G doesn't mind."

"Regardless if that's true, my body is a temple. I could never defile it doing… such an act."

"And what good is a temple without worshippers?" Miselle asked, taking a handful of each of my breasts through my stola and bouncing them.

Swatting her hand away, I rebuked "Miselle!"

"If the big man didn't want you to… explore your body, why would he give you those bountiful things?" she smirked. "Or this bountiful thing," she continued, pinching my bottom.

Throwing my hands up, I conceded "Fine, fine! We can go find me a boy to date and maybe marry, as long as you stop touching me!"

"Date? Marry?" Miselle asked. "You can just skip right to the good part, you know? Boys are loose these days."

"That's vulgar, Miselle!" I blushed.

"Humans are vulgar, darling," she replied, grabbing my arm. "Come now, we've got a boy to hunt!"

***

As we descended to earth, I asked Miselle "So, um, where do we start?"