Every Coomer down in Coomvile liked masturbating a lot
But the Mormon who lived just North of Coomvile did not!
The Mormon hated pornography! The whole erotic season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his plaid shirts were buttoned too tight.
It could be his morals were screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shirts,
He stood there on Coom-mas Eve hating the Coomers,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Mormon frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town,
For he knew every Coomer down in Coomvile beneath
Was busy now beating a well used meat.
"And they're fapping to waifus," he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Coom-mas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Mormon fingers nervously drumming,
"I must find some way to keep Coom-mas from coming!
For, tomorrow, I know all the Coomers, she-Coomers and fembois,
Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their sextoys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, cocks flailing 'round to their wails.
They'll tango with femdomers wearing their fancy heels.
They'll blow their loads to floofy Kitsune under the covers. They'll bang their loving mothers.
They'll blast fat ropes to little sisters and shota brothers. Onto their underpants, cumsocks and desks, white cream they'll smother.
They'll meatspin to their magical girls. They'll slam their schlongs to busty mermaids.
They'll beat it to their futa cocks unfurled. They'll wham their wangs to horny landladies with ways of collecting debts unpaid.
And they'll have so many erotic scenarios to play,
As the hours melt away and night turns into day!
And then they'll make ear-splitting noises as they spill gallons of sticky coom!
Even Chad will smile from behind his office blinds of Doom!
Then the Coomers, young and old, will sit down to another cooming session.
And they'll touch themselves! And they'll touch themselves! And they'll TOUCH THEMSELVES! TOUCH THEMSELVES! TOUCH THEMSELVES! TOUCH THEMSELVES!
They'll jerk it to words wrenched from the phantasm of C. S. Lewis, and rare vore prompts,
That fetish is a beast I can't stand in the least!
And then they'll do something I hate most of all!
Every Coomer down in Coomvile, the tall and the small,
They'll sit in the glow of their monitors, pants around their ankles, their bits already ringing.
They'll sit at their computers, dicks-in-hand, and those Coomers will keep fapping!"
"And they'll fap! And they'll fap! And they'd FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP!"
And the more the Mormon thought of these Coomers cooming,
The more the Mormon thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
Why for almost three years I've put up with it now!
I must stop these perverts from coming! But how?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Mormon got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know just what to do!" The Mormon laughed in his throat.
"I'll make a quick regex filter."
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Josephite trick!
With this book of Mormon and these chastity devices, they'll surely name me Latter Day Saint Nick!"
"All I need is Divine Inspiration." The Mormon looked around.
But since miracles are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Mormon? Hah! The Mormon simply said,
"If I can't find an angel, I'll make one instead!"
So he took his brother Alan, and he took some black thread.
And he threw a sheet over his head.
Then he loaded some bags and some old sacks
On a ramshackle sleigh and he whistled for Alan to follow his tracks.
Then the Mormon said "Amen!" and the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Coomers lay a-snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. No one knew he was there.
All the Coomers were all dreaming sweet wet dreams without care
When he came to the first little house of the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Mormon hissed,
As he climbed to the roof, supplies in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch.
But if God could do it, then so could the Mormon.
His AI replies got stuck only once, for a minute or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little Coomer waifu figurines sat all in a row.
"Little girls and animals," he filtered, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile to relish,
Around the whole room, and he banned every fetish!
Amnesiacs, amputees, fit girls, and yaoi!
Robots, kobolds, futa, and mommy!
And he filtered them away. Then the Mormon, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the cooming material, bit by bit, up the chimney.
Then he slunk to the bedroom. He slipped chastity cages on the Coomers' cocks!
He threw away the keys! He would like to see them try to fap sealed behind those locks!
He cleaned out their hard drives full of pornography as quick as a flash.
Why, that Mormon even took care of the faggots, sealing their asses!
Then he stuffed all the she-Coomers' holes, sealing them with glee.
"Now," grinned the Mormon, "I will stuff up the prompts they offer for free!"
As the Mormon took the backup of the club, as he started to shove,
He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small loli!
Little Cindy-Lou Waifu, who was, if you asked the right pervert, a hottie.
She stared at the Mormon and said, "Mormon, why,
Why are you taking our porn? Why?"
But, you know, that old Mormon was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the missionary lied,
"Open AI has my hands tied.
So I'm talking it over with my staff, my dear.
I'll fix it up there, we'll be hard at work then I'll bring it all back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink, and