"As absurd as it may seem, this broadcast is entirely serious and must be taken as a sober warning. Government officials at all levels of defense and disaster management, consistently urge every man to do whatever is necessary to avoid ejaculation. Sexual stimulation of any kind that may result in orgasm should be curtailed at all costs. Seminal fluids, that is: male ejaculate, semen, and, to be crude, cum, is the proven basis for this ongoing epidemic. All male listeners, please, for your safety and of those around you, do not masturbate, and do not have sex.
"We are doing everything we can to keep this transmission on the air during this crisis as conditions continue to worsen across the nation and the world. I repeat, do not…"
He flicked the radio off. It had been looping through that emergency signal for several days now, maybe a week. It was getting hard to keep track of time anymore, in this place where everything was the same every day under these bright lights.
It was one of those big indoor shopping malls, the kind that were going extinct. This one too, was beyond the point of no return, actively in the process of decommission and planning for demolition. The final holdout store, surrounded by the carcasses of the former form of consumerism, was an expansive adult entertainment boutique that had bought out its neighbors as they had gone out of business one-by-one and incorporated their retail space into an emporium of almost every kind of pornographic product imaginable. Row-upon-row of dildos, wands, and more creative toys than he could have ever thought up lined the shelves alongside fetish gear and fleshlights, full body sexdolls and more besides. It was a veritable mausoleum of eroticism, perhaps the single worst place to be when everything hinged on not getting yourself off.
Why was he here then? Familiarity, partially. He had been an electrician, part of the crew prepping this mall for demo and he knew this shop had those huge shutters that made it easy to lock down. By themselves, the metal grates were worthless against those amorphous creatures made of white spunk, but with some applied high voltage, it would be enough to fry them on contact. Had the military figured that one out? All their bullets and bombs were worthless against these creatures. It was no wonder they had folded like a house of cards.
As long as the supply of gas in the generators held out, as well as his stockpile of Civil Defense spam and water, he had his run of the place, a perverse sanctuary from the horrors outside where every indication was that things were getting grim.
His separation from it all was as thin as the tall panes of reinforced safety glass, on the other side of which, he could see them