Fuck, why is this so hard? I thought I had it made when I first met my girlfriend, I thought she was the one for me, and honestly, I still do, but it's getting more and more difficult. Things were great for the first few months, but then, it was like more and more cracks were forming, we'd be arguing more and more... and tonight, we were just screaming at each other until she threw me out—literally. And the hell of it all is that I don't know if that means I'm supposed to keep my distance for a while or if I'm just going to make things worse if I don't talk to her tomorrow. God damn it, relationships are hard, why did nobody tell me about this?
Well, no sense in wracking my brain over this right now, I need to clear my mind, so I guess a late night stroll through the park will have to do. At least it's quiet here... it's getting pretty close to 11 PM, so there's nobody around here, none of the usual hustle and bustle, and above all, no screaming. But one thing about the silence here is that the noises that would usually be imperceptible are now very much noticeable. For instance, there's a patch of berry bushes on the side of the path that has some rustling coming from it that's just a little bit too loud to ignore. There's no way that's a squirrel or even a cat or something like that. Now, normally I would ignore this on account of not wanting anything to do with whatever causing this rustling, but what can I say, I suppose I'm just not thinking logically right now.
Of course, I could have imagined many different scenarios as to what would happen after approaching these bushes. What I did not expect was a woman's head popping out of the brush, scaring the absolute shit out of me and sending me tumbling backwards to the ground, but she just smiles. "Oh hi," she says, completely oblivious to the absurdity of this situation.
"Wh-Who the fuck are you?" is the only question I can formulate in response.
Before she tells me, she first gets out of the bushes, and it's here I first realize that she has owl feathers on her head, which is a very strange accessory choice. "I'm Mumei! I'm the guardian of civilization! I've actually been waiting for you, but I got distracted by these berries, so it's great you noticed me!" she explains, an answer that only throws up even more questions.
It takes a moment for me to get back up and dust myself off, but that pause doesn't do much to help me come to terms with what's going on here. "Why... why exactly were you waiting for me?" is my next question, since that seems the most pressing one right now.
That causes her to pout. "Hmph, what kind of guardian would I be if I didn't take care of my hoomans, you silly billy? And you need taking care of! You deserve a lot better than that girlfriend of yours, you know," she tells me, crossing her arms indignantly, like she's insulted I even asked the question, but not genuinely, just a little bit in a kind of cute way.
Again, this throws up more questions than answers. "How do you know about my girlfriend?" I ask, ever more concerned.
And once more, she acts like I should obviously know the answer to that question. "I've been chronicling everything my hoomans do for over six thousand years, so of course I know everything about you. Well, I've been keeping a closer eye on you than most, though," she says.
OK, so she's a delusional stalker? Am I in danger? "Why did you do that?" I ask her, now getting visibly nervous.
To my great surprise, that actually gives her pause. "Um... huh. Why did I do that again?" she mutters, genuinely thinking about it. "Um... ummm... oh, oh right! Because I love you, silly!" she then exclaims, a sudden smile coming across her face again.
"But... we've only just met. We've never seen each other before," I respond. There are many things I should be doing right now, as I am faced with a love confession from a random woman that popped out of a berry bush and still has some twigs stuck in her hair, like running away and calling the cops, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to do that and just keep asking questions.
"Didn't you listen to me? I've seen you many times before! I've even been watching you while you sleep for months!" she tells me like it's the most normal thing in the world, the soft smile on her face never wavering. "Your girlfriend is a big dummy that doesn't deserve you, and you'd be so much better off with me! Now c'mon, let's go to your place!" she adds, taking me by the hand and dragging me along with a burst of enthusiasm. Now I'm just along for the ride. Maybe it's because I'm all mixed up because of this whole girlfriend row, but something inside of me wants to accept this and see where it goes. Surely, this won't go wrong for me. Those are my thoughts as Mumei takes me along to my apartment.