"Oh, yeah, I know what you mean, man. I love my position, because I can just stare at Adam's sweet ass all game long."

The bite of food I currently have in my mouth almost gets stuck in my throat as I hear that. As I look around the room for the source of that comment, of course it turns out to be Ken. He's the... I don't want to say "flirty" type, but he definitely makes a lot of jokes that are just a little bit too racy to be played off as a totally straight, just bros being bros thing. Everybody else yuks it up, laughing along with him, but I can't help but feel a bit flustered whenever I'm the target of his jokes.

"Aw, c'mon, Adam, don't be so shy! I can't help it when you look so great. Hell, sometimes, I look at you and think you're a girl for a moment, that's how cute you are," he continues, and again, everybody laughs. It's not like he's being mean with his jokes or the others are being mean by laughing at them, it's just lighthearted fun that happens between guys some times. After all, we do spend a lot of time together as a team, we play together, we change clothes together, we shower together... some homoerotic energy comes up from time to time, that's just the way it is. But then, something odd happens. After the laughter dies down a bit, Ken suddenly blushes and adds something to his comment. "I mean... shit, sometimes I get the feeling I'd just love to get those tight pants off you, spread your buns wide and just... fuckin' go to town, y'know?" he says, stammering a bit.

This is different. Usually, he makes those jokes with tons of confidence that lets him play it off as humor, but this time, it's just got a little bit too much sincerity in it. Does this guy actually want me like that? The thought of him actually doing that to me enters my mind, flustering me even worse than before. Still, everybody else laughs it up as typical Ken behavior, and in fact, some agree with him! Calls of "oh hell yeah" and "yeah, he's cute as fuck" come from the gallery, and I suddenly feel desperate to try and play this off, to paper over my blushing self. As a result, without even thinking, I end up blowing a kiss to Ken, which does make me look a lot less bothered by it, but has the side effect of enhancing Ken's blush from mild to heavy, turning him bright red.

Eventually, everybody calms down again, and lunch ends without further incident, as does practice. But just after practice, Ken pulls me off to the side a little bit and asks me to follow him under the bleachers. Before long, we're all alone, nobody else knowing we're here, and I can tell he's breathing heavily. "So... um, you... you wanna do it?" he asks, his hand fiddling with the waistband of his pants. And just like that, all warning sirens in my head go off on full blast. Fears invade my mind in an instant—this is a small, rural town, home to a bunch of conservative people. If I got involved in gay things and that came out, my life could be ruined. Shit, if my parents knew, they could disown me, throw me out on the street... fuck. Stopping just short of a crippling panic attack, my fear has my mind firing on all cylinders, making it clear to me: I need to get the fuck out of this situation as fast as possible. And so I run as fast as I've ever run, leaving Ken behind.

That night, I sleep very badly. Now that I have all the time in the world to think, the panic is replaced by sheer confusion. Should I have gone for it? Will Ken hate me now that I so soundly rejected him? Am I gay or not? In the end, I manage only to ruin my sleep, unable to answer even a single one of the questions in my mind. The next few days of practice also go by in a very awkward fashion: While it seems that Ken didn't take the rejection too hard, as he's still his jovial self, I can tell he's holding back in some respects. For one, he never targeted me with one of his jokes in those days, which makes it pretty clear to me that he regrets what happened between us. I try my hardest to forget about it all, shoving any doubts to the back of my mind. Ideally, I would just move on, and it would eventually become just a weird incident.

But then, one day after practice, I'm approached by the head cheerleader. She's not exactly a bombshell or anything, moderately attractive, maybe, and she absolutely has the hots for me. But when she asks me out on a date, my mind locks up. A realization comes to the forefront, throwing my plan completely out of whack. I... don't find her attractive. At all. Everything I thought I had buried just comes screaming back in, and I freeze up for a moment, searching for some sort of way out of this situation again. I can't run this time, but I can't talk my way out of it either, because it's sure to start rumors.

And just as I feel like I might be completely screwed, my savior arrives. A yell echoes from across the field. "Yo, Adam, hurry up! We're gonna be late!"

We both look over to the source of the yell, and it's Ken, standing there and waving me over. Thankfully, I am conscious enough of what he was getting at to pick up what he was putting down. With a quick "shit, I gotta go, talk to you later" I dart off, and in only a few minutes, I'm alone with Ken in his car as he drives back home. Neither of us speak on the drive, the tension clearly getting to the both of us. But as he pulls into the driveway of his place, he finally manages to break the silence after a deep breath. "Adam... do you want to come in with me? I just want to talk. And I know you want to talk as well," he says calmly.

He's right. I do want to talk with him. I can't leave all this unresolved, it's going to eat me up inside. Silently, I follow him inside, leading to the two of us sitting on his couch, two open beers on the table before us. Ken grabs his, takes a drink, and then starts to talk. "I... just wanna say I'm sorry, Adam. I shouldn't have come on to you like that. I don't know what came over me, and I think I was just too horny for my own good. I'm really, really sorry," he says, and I can tell this has been weighing on him. The tone in his voice is downright somber, like he's been scared that moment could have destroyed our friendship forever. "But, like, I can't believe I'm about to admit this, all those jokes I made... a lot of them were completely sincere. Especially with you. When I said I just wanted to spread your butt cheeks and dig in that day... I meant every last bit of it. I still do. But I promise I'm going to keep it under control from now on, now that I know how uncomfortable it makes you. If you want to break off our friendship, though, I completely understand."

Again, I feel like panicking, but now it's because he's going back on everything, making it more likely for us to eventually drift apart. I don't want that! There is only one thing my mind is screaming at me now, and it's 'kiss him, you fool'. So I do.