After you and your companions have saved the kingdom of Burtonia by rescuing the virgin maidens from the dragons, burning the evil witches, curing the people from a terrible plague that turned them into sex-obsessed monsters, and finding the legendary Holy Nail, you have decided to stay in the capital for a while and enjoy the easy city life. While your arrogant elvish companion Endiah goes on an extended shopping trip, you and Dingleberry paint the town red by touring through the local brothels and taverns. Wherever you go the people are cheering, maidens fall into your arms and offer you their virginity. After all those years, the people of Burtonia have finally realized what a great hero you are. You have the time of your life. And then there is the royal marriage: King Burton has married the young daughter of a local baron. The entire realm is celebrating its new queen, hoping for an heir to be born. Everything seems wonderful, like a dream. But every dream has to come to an end.

The news spread like wildfire: King Burton is dead! Conflicting rumours are circulating. Some say he died from old age, others claim he died from a mysterious fever, some even claim on the quiet that he has been murdered. You are totally flabbergasted. The last time you met King Burton he looked perfectly healthy and looked forward to marry. You've asked for an audience several times, but you weren't granted access to the royal palace. Queen Sharona, the newly widowed queen doesn't seem to be interested in meeting you and your companions. Three days after King Burton's death she marries Gaston the Handsome. There are numerous rumours that he has been her lover all the time, and that both of them murdered King Burton and usurped the throne, but the authorities take vigorous action by hanging, disembowelling and quartering the ringleaders who dared to voice these outrageous slanders.

You wake up in the middle of a dreary and stormy night, an unearthly cold chilling you to the bone. A ghostly figure stands in the middle of the chamber, holding its severed head under one arm and wailing like a banshee: "My hour is almost come, when to sulphurous and tormenting flames I must render myself. Pity me not, Shamalama Dingdong, but lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold. It was not the fever that struck me down, but the adulterous hand of my own wife and her lover! Murder most foul! As I lay sleeping, these base villains stabbed me and cut off my head. And only three days after this most bloody deed, my unfaithful wife married that murderous usurper. Oh, horror, horror, horror! Not only did they befoul our nuptial bed in a manner most unnatural, they also befouled the throne and the entire realm. Oh, Shamalama Dingdong, avenge this foul deed! Avenge my murder!" With these words the ghosts fades away, leaving your chamber empty again. You sit in your bed, considering what you just heard. The king was murdered, and he asked you to revenge him. You wake up Endiah and Dingleberry and inform them about the dreary news. Both are as shocked as you, but they promise to stand by your side and avenge the murder of King Burton.

It takes you another few days until you finally get granted an audience with the new queen and her husband. As you enter the crowded throne room, all eyes are focussed on you and your companions. Queen Sharona and her husband Gaston the Handsome are sitting on their thrones, watching you as you approach them. "Why don't you kneel before us?" Queen Sharona asks you angrily, her young and beautiful face contorted. "How dare you," Gaston the Handsome adds eagerly. You look at them and wait for a moment before you answer: "I cannot kneel before you. Not as long as there are doubts about the legitimacy of your reign. Prove to me that you're innocent of King Burton's death." Gaston the Handsome laughs arrogantly while Queen Sharona raises an eyebrow. "Innocent?" she says, "Everybody knows that my beloved husband, late King Burton the Wise, died from a fever. I don't have to prove anything to you, Shamalama Dingdong." You shake your head as you continue, "If I could only see King Burton's body, I could assure myself that there wasn't any foul play involved in his death." Gaston the Handsome laughs again. "See his body?" he says, "we've already burned his corpse to prevent the fever from spreading. So you three are audacious enough to accuse us, your legitimate sovereigns, of foul play regarding the untimely death of our beloved predecessor? How dare you, Shamalama Dingdong? This is treason!" He stands up, laying a hand on his sword pommel in anger, but Queen Sharona puts her delicate hand on his arm, calming him down. "Don't be so eager to forfeit your own life, Shamalama Dingdong. You know the punishment for treason. But we haven't forgotten your services for the kingdom of Burtonia, and so we give you a last chance to redeem yourself and save the lives of you and your companions. We have a number of quests you have to fulfill in order to restore your good standing in this realm," she concludes with a triumphant grin. Behind you you hear Endiah bitching around, "More Quests? What the fuck!" You turn around and signal her to be quiet. "What do you want us to do?" you ask the queen and her husband.

Queen Sharona stands up, her delicate body emanating authority. "We want you to travel to the Dungeons of Dux and find the tomb of Francis Dux. Then we want you to find the magic sword Bob in the haunted ruins of Dunholm. If you survive this ordeal, you are to travel south to the ruins of Tittykacka. There you will obtain the magic bone amulet from the leader of the local orcish amazons, Big Momma. And finally, you will search the southern jungle for the legendary El Mamarracho and bring us its tail." She smiles vindictively as she ends the list of quests. An eery silence is lingering over the throne room as nobody dares to speak a single word: it is clear to everybody that each of these quests is a suicide mission. Gaston the Handsome clears his throat: "I also have two quests for you. First, you have to travel to the Duchy of Darkwood and throw down the gauntlet to Erwin the Cruel, the son of evil Queen Spermobia. He has dared to question that I'm the greatest gigolo in the kingdom. And second, I want you to travel to the northern mountains, find the secluded monastery haunted by the ghost of Saint Binding and let him confirm that I am the greatest gigolo in the kingdom." Having spoken these words, Gaston the Handsome sits down on his throne again and kisses Queen Sharona passionately. It is clear that they want to get rid of you and your companions by sending you on these impossible quests, but you don't have any choice. "As you wish, my queen," you say and leave the throne room.

As you leave the capital of Burtonia, you three are fully aware that this will be your greatest and most dangerous ordeal. Dingleberry turns to you, taking a deep puff from the two joints he is smoking simultaneously: "Yo, bro! Where shall we start with these ridiculous quests? We're as good as dead, man. I'd say let us leave this kingdom for good. Let's go the Dorklands and party! Damn, even the kingdom of Sexualia seems a better idea than this mess, bro." Even Endiah nods approvingly: "Dingleberry is right, Shamalama Dingdong. Each of these quests is a suicide mission. We all loved King Burton, but I'm not a fool, and I don't want to throw my life away just because this murderous bitch and her lover want to get rid of me." You look at them for a while, pondering your options. Then you make your choice: "For king and country, we will accomplish these quests! We'll prevail where none has prevailed before us! Let's go!"

What will you do next, mighty Shamalama Dingdong?