What a day.
The company sports fair went off without a hitch; games, a few beers and teambuilding activities that were actually bearable. Its success had been largely due to the average employees deciding what athletics we hosted, with the gem of the event being the corporate softball tourney. Between eight branches, ours had won the whole shebang. I was honestly surprised with how well things had ran, though not everyone was in such a fine mood.
"Are you sure you left your house keys in the office? You can just crash at my place until Monday." I swiped my ID at the main entrance, the office building sparsely luminated by a few florescent overheads.
Raika half-slurred, a mixture of alcohol and snark, "Why would I make you drive back if I didn't think they were?" She was in a rare funk and I blamed the celebratory drinks in part; it was uncharacteristic of her to be so dour after crushing so hard in an athletic event, "And no, I have my own place."
"I was just offering, but ok," with a roll of my eyes we proceeded further into the nest of cubicles. It felt eerie being in here after work hours, the crimson glow of exit lights, quiet except for the hum of servers. Plus, we were still wearing our sweat-soaked jerseys, working up a musky aroma with streaks of dirt and grime proliferating every piece of athletic apparel.
"That was a hell of a game," the silence of the office only pronounced the tension between us, "you kicked ass pitching."
"Mmhmm." Raika's head bobbed as she nodded, face stoic. I knew she wasn't thinking about the baseball field anymore, "I'm glad we won."
Her response both worried and irked me; something was up. We'd been best friends since kindergarten, paired up through family playdates before becoming lifelong friends.
Raika was the archetypical tomboy and owned it. If it involved physical activity and competition, Raika had attempted it, and often thrived: basketball, soccer, softball, swimming, you name it. One look at her tanned, taut body and you knew she was a natural competitor; a mindset that bled into other areas of her life.
For all her achievements on any given arena, Raika could back it up with her brain. When she told me she was interested in working at the same accounting firm as me I laughed it off, finding it a little hard to imagine a tomboyish woman like her dressed up for the office; seeing her squeeze into a form fitting pencil skirt, just to tease me, shut my mouth for good. Raika joined on not long after I had, and I blamed it on friendly competition.
"So, uh, are you gonna come out with me tonight?" I asked, hoping to get her mind off whatever it was.
"I'm heading home after I get my stuff; maybe later, dude." It was as if every word was some effort to her, oozing angst.
My gut churned, "You're not going to tell me why?"
She shook her head, "No, I've had my fill." We'd arrived at her desk. Lo and behold, her personals were scattered across its top; the air hung thick with one-sided tension. Even as I looked to her eyes to find some inkling of vulnerability, Raika averted her gaze.
"Ok, cool. Well, see ya tomorrow then." My tone was curt, I could feel myself getting angry. She might be upset, but I couldn't let this go unchallenged.
"Maybe."
There was a long pause. Even as Raika held her door keys, neither of us budged. In my peripheral vision, I watched her chest rise and fall with each breath. Then, finally, she turned to me, the weight of her stare heavy. Her lips parted slightly, she stared down at me, eyes pleading.
She looked frozen, so I started with an awkward affirmation, "You can tell me anything, you know. So if something is bothering you–"
"Can I?" she cut in, interrupting me. The last thing I expected was such sharpness from an easygoing friend, but I was willing to give her space to vent. With a sigh, she said, "You don't even see me, do you? After all this time." Raika's voice was a whisper, as if she was talking through me; she shook her head in shameful disbelief.
"See you? I've always seen you; you're my best bud."
'Bud' bit deep. I hadn't meant it in jest, but it was enough to send an already tipsy Raika over the edge. "What the fuck am I doing," her eyes were glazed, a sweltering heat behind them, "I've only ever wanted you to actually 'see' me. I'm not your bud, or your dude or...I mean I am...but..." she trailed off, looking away again.
"Hey, hey, calm down, I didn't mean that. If I did something earlier, at the game, I'm sorry." I reached out to touch her arm, but she jerked it away; the faint sounds of her sniffles filled the shadowy office space.
"This isn't about the game, or any game!" Her hazel eyes overflowed with passion, "It never was; hell, it isn't even about this job. It's about you. It's always been about being near you, with you...touching you...I-I love you. Every day all I can think about is you, is 'us', and I throw myself out there just to be your 'bud'. I thought I was strong, but with you it isn't enough; I'm so tired."
I gave no warning, wrapping my arms around Raika's shoulders and pulling her against me. She was warm and soft, her body yielding beneath mine, her face buried in my neck. I felt her tremble, her tears wetting my skin. I breathed deeply, inhaling her scent – her rich sweat, the small of her hair, a faint whiff of perfume. I savored it, feeling her warmth seep through my shirt. "