After getting lost several times on the way to the destination wedding, Ralph was well and truly pissed from all the aimless driving. His wife, Margo, had sunken into a sullen quiet after their third explosive argument over asking for directions. But, when Margo spotted the first in a series of balloon-bearing guest signposts, the aged couple realized they had finally found the event site. Setting down a dirt road, they approached an idyllic, rolling field, surrounded by picturesque forests. A red-vested attendant waved them over to a line of cars, parked on mowed patch of verdant, wild grass.
"I hope the pollen here isn't too bad for my allergies," Margo fussed, as the blood flowed back into her spider-veined legs from the long ride. Ralph was doing mental calculations on whether they'd actually have enough gas to make it back to the last station he'd seen. The pair were interrupted from their ruminations by an excited squeal from a ruffle-draped woman. Resplendent in her cloying, lacy, wedding garment, Annette approached her beloved aunt. Bending low to heap kisses on Margo's lined face, Annette breathlessly continued "Oh my God, I'm so glad you two finally came! I'm so sorry you all couldn't make it to rehearsals, but everything will go perfect anyway, I just know it!"
Ralph nodded amicably, as the excited bride focused her attention on catching Margo up on the latest familial happenings. Truth be told, Ralph never would of agreed to the drive if it hadn't of been for the wedding's promised open bar, a feature of particular lure to the aging plumber. He was also intrigued by the secretive nature of the event. Margo had been characteristically vague in describing the complications of Annette's tumultuous personal life, but even his snooping wife had been unable to glean any information regarding her niece's new beau. The provided event planner brochure failed to divulge the information as well, as Ralph looked around, and realized he could mostly only spot the cars of fellow relatives, rather than any from the groom's family.
The evening became more perplexing, as Annette ducked Margo's questions about her fiance. Answering with manic energy, Annette replied "Well, um, it's customary for the bride and groom to avoid seeing each other until the ceremony proper so... he's being kept apart, with his family, until we say our vows!" Margot nodded vacantly in response, as Ralph scanned the surroundings and locked in on his primary target. A red-vested attendant was serving the father of the bride at a scaled-down bar kiosk nearby. The portly man ambled onto a groaning plastic stool next to his brother. Matthew grunted and regarded Ralph, as the newcomer ordered a rum and coke, served with a little paper umbrella in a plastic cup.
Ralph quickly realized his brother was really tying one on, as he asked Matthew "So uh, tell me all about this big wedding. We hadn't heard much about Annette's relationship up in Wisconsin." Matthew regarded him with bloodshot eyes, burbling wordlessly before managing "I, y'know, it's really about her happiness, right? That's what life's, all about, in the end; being happy, right?" Ralph just nodded in meek assent, as he ordered another free drink. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but the old plumber was suddenly becoming incredibly invested in whatever entertaining trainwreck the night surely promised.
Even with the imagination of his mind freed by liquor, sugar, and caffeine, Ralph never could have guessed at how events would proceed. He swayed and waddled his way next to an empty folding chair besides Margo, groaning as he tested the chair's structural integrity by plunging into it, digging the backlegs into the soft, dark soil beneath. Margo turned to Ralph, a pensive, drawn look on her face as she said "Ralph, there's something fishy about this whole dang event. Look next to us, none of the groom's family are here, but there's a bunch of blankets laid out together to our right. Look, there's like, toys over there. What the heck is going on?" Ralph looked over, and saw a gaudy pile of stuffed animals, tennis balls, and dyed ropes, all artfully arranged at the center.
Before Ralph could respond to his suspicious wife, a barking commotion derailed his inebriated train of thought. "What the fuck, Ralph, there's... There's a bunch of dogwalkers coming over here!" True to Margo's words, several wedding attendants were struggling to control the leashes of numerous canines of similar breed, mostly huskies, with a few strains of crossbreeding evident. There were at least thirty or so dogs in tow. The barking, growling crowd of hounds were direct towards the assemblage of dog toys with incredible effort from their stewards. Margo became visibly alarmed as the attendants unleashed the crowd of excited pooches, who immediately erupted in every direction, mostly ignoring the toys as they investigated the rolling field, each other, and the seated wedding guests. "What's going on Ralph? A-are we safe? Oh Jesus, get away!" Margo exclaimed, as she shoved away the snout of a curious husky who was investigating the row of confused wedding guests with unperturbed enthusiasm.
The unbridled chaos was rousing a childlike glee in Ralph's liquored-up mind. Enthralled in the spectacle, he spotted an especially large and pampered husky being led down the aisle by a friend of Annette's. This husky was particularly well behaved, and sported a ridiculously elaborate dog tuxedo with surprising grace. "Oh Jeez, check this shit out Margo," Ralph excitedly directed his flabbergasted wife, as the big husky was lead up to the wedding stage in front of the priest. Music swelled from the sound system, and the lighting shifted to emphasis the wedding dais, as it became apparent that all was still going according to plan.
The bridesmaid induced the Husky to sit down obediently before the priest, as other huskies ran about and scattered around wildly. Margo gasped in confusion as Annette appeared in full wedding regalia, a beautiful bouquet in her white-gloved hands. She beamed down at the dressed up husky, who barked upon seeing her, making Annette blush and giggle with excitement. The priest seemed completely at ease as Annette took up position besides the sitting husky. "Ralph, they aren't... she's not going to marry the... the dog?" Ralph just shushed her, as he wanted to see how this was going to play out.
As the unlikely pair of woman and dog were read out their vows, the seated wedding audience of humans assembled on the left were dumbstruck. When the priest asked for the rings, Ralph noticed a bridesmaid carefully coaxing an excited puppy down the aisle with treats, two fluffy, velvet pillows affixed to his collar. Margo looked at the husky puppy and said "Oh god, he's so cute in his little outfit! Wait, are those the rings?" After failing to direct the unfocused ringbearer to stop nibbling at the grass, the bridesmaid lifted the yipping puppy towards the wedding platform as Annette picked him up, and plucked up a ring and gem-encrusted collar from the pillows. Margo was completely breathless as her niece knelt down before the dutifully sitting dog, and said "I do." Then, Annette extended her hand, the tuxedo-wearing husky responding by extending his paw and barking in excitement, as Annette began crying from joy. The priest dryly intoned "I now pronounce Bandit and Annette to be lawfully wedded. You may now... collar the groom." The newly married bride was so overcome with emotion, the bridesmaid had to help Annette affix her canine husband's wedding collar, as Ralph finally gleaned the dog's named was Bandit from the final vows.
Margo whispered to Ralph "Wait, I get it. This is all like, a big joke right? This is performance art or something, or one of those tiktok video pranks." But events continued to escalate in unbelievable fashion. As Annette bent down to help mend where Bandit's doggy tuxedo had come undone, the canine took immediate interest in his new 'bride'. Padding around the bent over woman's side, the newly married husky sniffed at the lacy skirt obscuring Annette's rear. His tongue began to slather the fabric with saliva, as Annette laughed it off, turning to her horrified relatives sitting below, and saying "He's just a bit over-excited! Oh no, wait, this is a good thing! He wants to consummate our marriage!" The blushing bride began hiking up her expensive, frilly dress, rucking up the skirt to reveal her pale thighs and underpants, as she bent her arm around and deftly lowered her white, silk panties to her ankles. The husky eagerly reared up and heaved his chest against his wanton human partner's back, causing Annette to let out a squeal of delight.
The wedding guests were frozen in utter shock, as Bandit then proceeded to mount her as the stunned crowd collectively lost their minds. The husky, perhaps sensing the awkwardness of this act of canine affection, pulled himself tightly to Annette's behind, lowering his ears and gently nuzzling her neck with his muzzle.